“What we have here is a failure to communicate.” (Cool Hand Luke)

The calls to my office often start like this, “I’m at the end of my rope.”

Then they proceed in one of the following ways:

• Neither of us feels heard.
• We absolutely cannot compromise.
• We don’t know how we can have a positive future or a future at all.
• We feel stuck.
• We are having the same argument over and over and over again.
• We feel unsupported, unappreciated.
• I do not trust him. He had an affair and I don’t know how to move past it.
• We cannot seem to make decisions together.

Which are all versions of:

I want you to see me. I want you to understand me. I want you to hear me.

You and your partner each look at your world through a unique lens, one that has been created by your origins, your upbringings, your individual experiences. This means you both came into your relationship with insecurities, perhaps anger and issues that the other person cannot even begin to fathom.

These differences can initially be intriguing and exciting, but when daily stressors or big life events come to pass, they instead lead to friction.

What would it be like if you finally felt heard and understood?

If you stopped feeling like you had to defend every single, tiny little thing that your spouse says to you? What if your spouse could actually understand your point of view?

TRUTH: Your story exists in two parts.

The first part is what you tell yourself. The tape you play. The socially acceptable version of honesty.

The second part is the deeper truth. The raw truth. This truth is not polite and chances are, it is not socially appropriate. Chances are, the idea of sharing this truth with your spouse is mortifying, scary, unimaginable.

If, however, you learn to first admit your truth to yourself and then to your partner, healing can begin.

TRUTH: It is not the other person’s fault that things are going wrong in your relationship. That old adage, it takes two to tango, that is the truth when it comes to relationship problems.

TRUTH: Couples who have successful relationships appreciate each other. They learn to live with their differences rather than pointing out fault in the other person.

TRUTH: Couples who have successful relationships look toward one another. This means they have interest in one another. They respect one another. They comfortably talk about the mundane things in life. They acknowledge one another’s needs.

TRUTH: Couples who have successful relationships argue. They just know how to do it in a safe way where each person has equal time to express him or herself.

TRUTH: Couples who have successful relationships take the other person’s needs into account. They are willing to compromise. They avoid power struggles.

TRUTH: Couples who have successful relationships know how to soothe each other. They are tolerant of each other’s vulnerabilities. They are focused on the well-being of the relationship.

TRUTH: Couples who have successful relationships know how to establish a sense of connection to one another. They help each other during times of struggle.

What is Relationship Therapy?

Relationship therapy is all about identifying the issues that the two of you have and learning how to talk them through. It is about increasing respect. Increasing affection. Increasing closeness. It will help you break through points of conflict and resolve issues when you are feeling stuck in them. Ultimately, relationship therapy is meant to create a greater understanding between you and your partner.

What is the goal of Relationship Therapy?

The goal of relationship therapy is for the two of you to make sense of what is going wrong between you and to learn skills to address the problems.

What should we expect?

You should expect to tell the truth. To be vulnerable. To be open to the process. To be fully present.
During the first session, all three of us will meet together for an hour. We will talk about how you met, what your relationship has been like up to this point. During this session, I will provide you information about completing an online assessment. I will ask that you have this completed prior to the next time we meet.

The second session is 90 minutes long. During this time, I will meet with each of you, individually, for 45 minutes. This allows you to tell me a little bit more about what you need and want. I consider your first session, the online assessment and these individual sessions to be your complete, couple’s assessment.

All sessions after this assessment process will be one hour long and both of you will be in attendance.
During these sessions, we will address the issues that were brought to light during your assessment. Most weeks I will then assign you homework so you can continue to work on things outside of my office.

Who can benefit from Couples Counseling?

Couples who are experiencing some level of trouble in their relationship and feel that they need outside help to address the problems.