It’s not the actual divorce itself. It’s the way you divorce.

Practicalities

By definition, the act of divorce deals with practicalities. Who gets the house? Who gets the car? What kind of custody arrangement do you want?

Emotional

Then there’s the emotional side of things. This gets in the way of making the practical decisions. It can slow down the practical process and lead to months or years of animosity, slowly chipping away at your sanity.

Fighting

Divorce is often about fighting. It is often about who has won. It leads to people choosing sides. Divorce rips apart the very fabric of your commitment, your “until death do us part.” It will more likely than not, tear you up as well.

Pain

Raw, unexpected pain. It will catch you by surprise–even if you are the one choosing to exit the relationship–even if deep down, you actually are relieved that your marriage is over.

Life Transition

Divorce is a major life transition. It is a relational trauma that has both emotional and physiological consequences.

You might just feel like your heart has been ripped out.

In reality, divorce is about more than the practicality of separating assets and belongings. It is really about the severing of a very strong bond founded on deep feelings of dependency and need.

You have become enemies with the very person you used to turn to in times of need.

Feelings of betrayal invade your thoughts. Anger envelopes you. Sadness wells up inside your eyes. Rejection makes you recoil and isolate. This is all normal. It is to be expected.

But, you can and will survive.

It is possible. Life will go on. You will learn a new normal.

With a little guidance, you can divorce with dignity and forge a positive, or at least minimally conflicted, post-divorce relationship.

What is Divorce Counseling?

Divorce counseling is a type of relationship therapy specifically designed for couples who are on the verge of divorce or are dealing with the aftermath of a permanent separation. With divorce counseling you can expect improvement in your emotional and psychological wellness. The involvement of a divorce counselor can help both parties learn to communicate effectively and civilly during the process..

There are two kinds of divorce counseling:

• Pre-divorce counseling involves helping both you and your soon to be ex-spouse communicate in a civil and effective manner to help expedite the process of separation and divorce. If you have children, the process will also include discussions about parenting issues. At times, this process also includes processing sessions where you can discuss what went wrong and heal past wounds.
• Post-divorce counseling focuses on the relationship the two of you have now that you are no longer a couple. This type of counseling is mainly for couples who need to interact with one another because they will be co-parenting or continue running a business together.

What is the goal?

The goals of divorce counseling are varied. Here are a few of the most common goals:

• You have decided to get divorced. While the process itself is going smoothly, you can’t help but wonder what exactly went wrong. You have never been able to sit down and really talk about it in a calm, cool, collected manner. You would like the opportunity to express yourself and ask a few questions of your soon to be ex. The goal? To have a candid discussion, a wrap-up of the marriage.
• You are about to start the divorce process, and it never occurred to you that there would be so many moving parts. In fact, you can’t even really figure out what all of those might be because this is new to you. You are so overwhelmed. You are angry. You don’t know how to proceed.
• You are working with lawyers, but it is a costly process that is becoming more expensive by the moment because the two of you cannot seem to agree on anything.
• The goal? Have a safe place to hash things out ahead of time so you can be more prepared when the two of you enter your attorneys’ offices.
• Discuss how you are going to co-parent. Some of this is the nuts and bolts so you can present information to your lawyers for your parenting plan.
• Some of it is learning how to communicate with one other so your children ae able to acclimate to the divorce without having to watch you implode from stress and anxiety related to co-parenting.

I will act as your mediator, making sure you both have an opportunity to express yourself and guide you through compromise. Among other things, we will:

• • Develop a plan for how to deal with schedule changes.
  • Organize what happens when one of your children is sick and cannot attend school.
  • Discuss how to present a united front during discipline and how to handle rules created in separate households.
  • Plan who will attend activities such as ballet recitals, baseball games, spelling bees and parent/teacher conferences.

Co-parenting is difficult, and counseling can lessen conflict by creating boundaries and setting expectations.

What should we expect?

My office will be a space where you can each say your piece. Where you can get things done so that you can move on with your lives. I will be your mediator. I will be your hall monitor, making sure that you treat each other with respect and follow the rules of the process.

First, you will each meet with me for a 50 minute assessment session. During that time we will discuss what led you to divorce and divorce counseling, your needs, and establish some individual goals. After the individual sessions, all other sessions will include both you and your ex-spouse. These sessions are usually 80 minutes. During these we will focus on the goals that you set both individually and together. There will often be homework between sessions.

Who benefits from Divorce Counseling?

Chances are, if you are uncoupling from your partner or spouse and you are looking at this website, you could benefit from some level of divorce counseling.